Updates and Issues

It's been a fair while since my last post and it's mainly because I've been getting my head down with the busy winter period with work and haven't really had much time outside either. Also many other things have been going on since then which has affected me the past few months. 

Luna cruising in Font

To start with, a fairly quick update since Kalymnos. Came back for a week and a bit, headed out to Font with a few juniors that I coach. Had a fairly decent time will most of them getting 6b's or 6b+'s. Came back for about 2 weeks then headed over to Spain with Claire who I met in Kalymnos with Rocup. Stayed in this little AirBnB sharing with this random dude who was kinda weird. Went to SharmaBCN on the first day out there as it was mega windy all day. Ended up getting lost looking for climbing in Siurana so decided to go to Margalef for the rest of the week. Climbed a lot of 6's until the last few days where we stepped it up to 7a's. 

Sun down in Margalef on the last day

Both of us ended up onsighting and flashing a few 7's. I got recommended this 7b that I climbed bolt to bolt. Gave it another go and messed up the low crux at the start, belayed Claire and attempted it again. Had my feet slip through the lower crux but carried on an recovered, hit the last clip, pumped out my mind, holding 2 bad holds trying to clip, just about managed to clip it, then dropped it. The next hold was a bucket jug... literally 3 moves from the chains. Gutted. The last climb of the whole trip too.

Now back in the UK, setting a ton at Vaux and preparing for Harrow to open plus some other things going on in the works. And since Kalymnos, I've been hooked on lead rather than bouldering. I have also managed to book a 3 week trip back out to Kalymnos with Claire which I'm super psyched for! 

My current training ground - Westway

Climbing indoors, I've been flashing 7b's consistently and attempting to lap them. The other day I was at Whitespider and managed to eventually crush my project of a 7b+! My first ever 7b+ too. Not long after that climb, looked at this 7c, dropped it on the last move due to hesitation, belayed a mate and topped some 7a's, got back on the 7c and cruised it! Not only made a PB in one session but made a second PB too! Stoked! 

Even tried my hand at competing in one of the Blokfest events this year for which I came 16th/91! All due to silly mistakes and a fear of tweaking my fingers. Considering about competing at the next 2 Blokfest rounds but we shall see.

Now onto the main reason for this post... word of warning, this bit gets a little deep.

So recently I've been through a lot of various different tough things at home. Early November, while waiting for a train to head to London for a massage and climb, I watched someone jump in front of a train. Not the prettiest sight to see and I know there was nothing I could do to stop it but if I was 2mins later, I would've been right next to the lass.

Afterwards in London, I couldn't comprehend how no one else even knew what happened or even cared, and my view on it was "if the world doesn't seem to care, why should I? It's not like the world will stop revolving for one person". Its a pretty morbid way of thinking but then again so true.

On the way back home, trains were still delayed and I kept overhearing conversations about how "some idiot has jumped in front of a train" with no sensitivity towards it. Especially after watching it, it's a hard thing to hear and does hit you a bit. It's hard not to offend everyone but next time an incident like this happens that puts you out of your way, please be a little more sensitive about it.

From this, I think it's had a knock on effect with other things and being the time of year too has made me realise how lonely I've been. All my friends live in London which makes it awkward to see them or just chill out with, my best friend has moved 6 hours away and the single life has also started to affect me. Not only that but I haven't been sleeping, getting mainly 2-3 hours a night, I haven't been eating that much either, and I've started having panic and anxiety attacks too. I've spoken to a few people experienced in this who reckon that I have PTSD.

With an overthinking mind like mine, this has also put a lot of stress on me in general and has even brought out my social awkwardness making it 10 times harder to strike up a conversation with someone, especially if I don't know them. I'm fine if someone else starts talking to me but I may struggle with what to say. If you do see me, don't hesitate to talk to me as it'll help me get used to it.

I've also been very emotional sensitive. Like one minute I'll be super happy and stoked about something, then 5 seconds later, I'll be in tears about something someone may have said days ago which may not have been directly aimed at me. Please don't start worrying about it and please don't constantly ask me if I'm okay. If I want to talk about it I will, but continually asking me will get annoying. 

Dreaming of being back in Kaly: Liam Lonsdale

By now you're probably thinking what this has anything to do with climbing. So climbing for me began as something fun then quickly became a release from daily life after I stopped snowboarding. Just to escape the stress of the world and have something to focus on. With climbing there are so many things that you need to think of which do keep you preoccupied which has helped me get through school life, ex girlfriends and various other things. 

Now, climbing has given me a distraction away from these bad feelings, keeping me focussed on what I want with climbing, what I need to do to get better and how I'm going to do it. It doesn't make it go away, but it does help give you those few hours of happiness or time away from these things, even if it's a high gravity day. If anything, because of the way I've been feeling, I've been climbing more and my grade has been improving very quickly which, in turn, is increasing my overall happiness and making more psyched for Kalymnos in April. 

Setting VauxComp #16 with Will Jackson

I've been speaking with a fair amount of people about my recent problems and you'd be surprised how you're really not alone, in and out of the climbing industry. It's said about 1 in 4 people suffer from some form of mental illness, from anxiety issues to depression to autism to even things like dyslexia. But if you at all are having trouble with anything, be it thinking of suicide, having a bad day, something small or feeling low, DO NOT HESITATE to talk to people as you're not alone! Even if you feel like you are, there is always someone out there to talk to. It could be your parent, your best friend, your boss, your neighbour, complete stranger, a professional, your sisters boyfriends great grandma! They may have been through something similar. It helps a lot either way, even to get everything off your chest so someone else knows what you're going through.

It's not easy to admit that you have troubles going on or mental illnesses, especially being a guy in this day and age showing weakness but understand that it's okay and people will be there for you.

So my 2017 has started off pretty badly but I have my goals, my climbing's improving and I've got this amazing opportunity coming up with work and Kalymnos which I can't wait for. I've also got a great bunch of friends who I can't thank enough for listening to me moan over the past few months of how I've been feeling and helping me try to get through this. I also want to put a special mention in here for my Mum that I've gotten really close to because of this. She has always been there for me in this tough time and I can't thank her enough for it.

Will hopefully keep you all posted about the next few mini trips I may have and an overall post about Blokfest that has been going on over the past few months.